Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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