I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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