bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
