Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
