craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
