Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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