just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh god the rape fog is back!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
