dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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