somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
