Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
