Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
