saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
