I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
