There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible