The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love