My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?