im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door