In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.