tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?