you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You smell like stripper and shame
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
