Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
