Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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