I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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