Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize