im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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