Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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