Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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