Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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