lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
