i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drake has all the answers
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