What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
