Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
