That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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