I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
