So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
