I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize