Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
