honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize