If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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