And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
