I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
