Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
