mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
