some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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