Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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