toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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