this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
