Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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