we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
