Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
