He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
