You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
