Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
