someone threw a dead crab at me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
