If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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