I love black thongs
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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