rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
