so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
