In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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