Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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