I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
being pregnant is like rehab
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize