I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
