Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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