Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
