and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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