Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
